The evolution of love: from passion to complicity
Can love, this universally sought-after and sometimes mysterious feeling, be precisely defined? Is it just about chemistry between two people or is it evolving into something deeper? No one really knows the answer to this question, but psychologists suggest that love occurs in five distinct stages.
The model proposed by Professor Arthur Aron explores the journey of love, from butterflies in the stomach to an as yet unknown destination. Each of the five stages offers a unique understanding of the romantic relationship.
Step 1: Infatuation
This first stage is often called the “honeymoon” of the relationship. You are totally infatuated with the other person, obsessed with their smile, their laugh, and everything about them. It’s an intense, exciting, but unfortunately fleeting period.
This feeling is fueled by hormones like dopamine and oxytocin, which make you feel a kind of euphoria. Unfortunately, this state of grace does not last forever. The butterflies eventually settle down.
Step 2: Intimacy
After the initial excitement, you enter the second stage: intimacy. This is where you get to know the other person in every detail, with their faults and their qualities. You share your secrets, your dreams, your fears and your vulnerabilities. Slowly, you build a foundation of trust and understanding, creating a safe space for both of you.
This stage, less passionate than the first, allows you to develop a deeper connection with your partner. You feel a strong attachment and deep satisfaction. Intimate moments may be less heated, but they are also more rewarding.
Stage 3: Disillusionment
It is at this stage that we begin to see things as they really are. The rose-colored glasses we wore at the start of the relationship are gradually disappearing.
Differences of opinion, habits or even greater incompatibilities may arise. We finally see our partner in a more realistic light, with their imperfections and limitations.
It’s a turbulent time and unfortunately many relationships don’t survive this third stage.
Step 4: Commitment
If your love survives stage three, congratulations! You have weathered the storm and entered the fourth stage: commitment.
This step is about choosing the other person and building a future together. You face obstacles, you come out stronger, knowing that you can face anything as a team. You are there for each other in good times and bad, supporting each other. It is a deep commitment that goes beyond individuality, where “we” takes precedence over “you” and “me”. You both decided to make it work, and it worked.
Step 5: Complicity
Finally, the fifth stage of love is complicity. After going through the previous steps, you reach a level of relationship where you understand each other almost instinctively. You have developed a deep bond and mutual trust. You feel comfortable with each other and share a genuine emotional connection.
Of course, the evolution of the journey of love is not linear, and each relationship is unique. The steps may take more or less time depending on the person. Some relationships stop at the intimacy phase, while others evolve towards lasting complicity.
Ultimately, there is no magic recipe for everlasting love. Every story is different and it’s important to let yourself be carried along by the journey. Love can be an exciting, sometimes tumultuous adventure, but if you are willing to take the steps and commit, you could discover a deep and lasting bond with your loved one.